MAY 26 @ 3:01PM - OMEGA GIGA
Squigly and the Ongoing Epidemic of Pedo-wraiths
Squigly... a girl who died at the age of 14 and is 26 in zombie years.
Generally, one would say she is blessed. I disagree.
The problem is, as none of you have heard, that a surge of Pedo-wraiths have come to be and are bringing forth chaos in great levels. Nobody wants to be prolapsed by a wraith; why must they be invisible until they attack, might I add?!
Now, one may say, "Oh, but there are many ways to deal with wraiths. Here's one: just cover them in paint!"
Do not listen to these folk. They are deep in their ignorance and do not understand what follows these creatures. I wont tell you further than that.
Seal all the holes present on your body, those being: ears, nostrils, mouth, and the anus. Pedo-wraiths only target men, so lock all doors and windows and exit buildings in disposable hazmat suits available at your local retailer if you are one.
So, what does this have to do with Squigly? Well, she is the new mayor of New Meridian, after all; but she is female, see? Okay, whatever, but she carries around a m-a-l-e named Leviathan. As one will now know, wraiths have extraordinary thermal vision, and can see her and Levi from practically anywhere inside their home.
Therefore, they have been banging at the door to her room nonstop for 7 weeks now. She has plenty of water, but no food, and the 45 days are overdue. So what will she do? She'll go outside her room to get food and then return to continue working from home. (New Meridian Law Enforcement cannot enter her house due to all the wraiths, which, while not attacking, are blocking all the doors allowing entrance into the house with their bodies.)
Uh oh, what will Leviathan do? In fact, one cannot possibly believe that even Squigly will be untouched by all the claws thrashing about trying to yank the bony male parasite from his beloved owner.
Alas, Squigly makes it to the fridge, even stops by the pantry, gets herself seven boxes of ham and cheddar Hot Pockets, some croissants, and a loaf of bread. All the while Leviathan is screaming in fear as he is scratched, yoinked, and slapped from almost every possible point on a 3d plane.
What a sad day for Leviathan. Squigly also bore the Pedo-wraiths, but I'm not Darksoulist and will not go into detail on that. (Only Sunrust chadwells will understand that.)